Why Self-Forgiveness is the Missing Piece in Your Healing Journey

Leticia Francis Author

Still punishing yourself for the past? This issue exposes how self-forgiveness unlocks true healing—and how to finally let yourself breathe again.

Let me ask you something.

What’s the hardest thing you’ve ever had to forgive?

Was it the person who betrayed you? Was it the parent who didn’t protect you? Was it the relationship that nearly broke you?

Or—if you’re really being honest—was it you?

Because here’s the thing no one tells you about healing:

It’s not just about forgiving them. It’s about forgiving yourself.

And that?

That’s the part that no one wants to talk about.

Because self-forgiveness means facing the version of yourself you’d rather forget. The one who stayed too long. The one who ignored the red flags. The one who betrayed her own needs just to feel loved. The one who let things slide. The one who saw the signs and still walked right into the fire.

And if you’re anything like me, that version of you?

She makes you angry. She makes you cringe. She makes you wonder, How the hell could I have let that happen?

So instead of forgiving yourself, you do what survival mode has trained you to do:

You bury it. You push through. You tell yourself, It’s in the past. I’m fine. I’ve moved on.

But have you?

Or are you just carrying the weight of your own self-judgment, dragging it into every relationship, every decision, every quiet moment where the guilt creeps back in?

Because here’s the truth: You cannot fully heal if you’re still punishing yourself.

And until you face this—until you forgive you—you will always feel like something is missing in your healing journey.

Why We Struggle to Forgive Ourselves

Self-forgiveness isn’t just about letting go of guilt. It’s about unlearning the shame that’s been controlling you.

And that shame?

It’s been embedded deep.

Maybe you were raised to believe that mistakes define you. That once you mess up, it follows you forever. That you don’t get second chances.

Maybe you learned that self-sacrifice was love. That putting yourself last made you good. That setting boundaries made you selfish.

Maybe you thought suffering was the price of survival. That if you endured enough, you’d finally be worthy. That if you punished yourself enough, you’d finally be redeemed.

Whatever it is, I need you to hear me when I say this:

You do not have to keep carrying this weight.

You don’t owe the past your endless self-punishment. You don’t have to keep replaying the mistakes like a broken record. You don’t have to keep proving that you’ve learned your lesson.

Because you already have.

And you deserve peace, too.

The Hidden Ways Unforgiveness Is Keeping You Stuck

You might think your past is just that—the past.

But if you still haven’t forgiven yourself, I guarantee you’re seeing it everywhere in your life.

1. You Don’t Trust Yourself Anymore

You hesitate. You second-guess. You overthink every decision, terrified of making another mistake.

Because deep down, you don’t believe in yourself anymore.

Your inner voice is stuck in the past, whispering: "Remember what happened last time?" "What if you mess it up again?" "You can’t trust your own judgment."

And that?

That’s not intuition.

That’s fear dressed up as logic.

And it’s keeping you stuck in hesitation, afraid to move forward.

2. You Keep Repeating the Same Patterns

Ever wonder why you keep attracting the same kind of relationships?

Why you keep settling for less than you deserve?

Why you keep putting yourself in the same situations, just with different people?

It’s not because you’re broken. It’s not because you’re unlucky. It’s not because healing “isn’t working.”

It’s because on some level, you still believe you deserve it.

Because deep down, you haven’t given yourself permission to move on.

You’re still punishing yourself.

So you let people treat you how you secretly believe you should be treated. You accept love that mirrors the way you feel about yourself. You subconsciously recreate the pain—because pain is familiar.

And you don’t even realize you’re doing it.

3. You Can’t Fully Experience Joy

You get the promotion. You meet someone amazing. You finally feel peace after years of chaos.

And what happens?

You sabotage it.

Or, at the very least, you don’t let yourself fully enjoy it.

Because some part of you believes you haven’t earned it yet. That there’s still something to atone for. That happiness isn’t meant for people like you—people with mistakes, regrets, baggage.

So even when life gets good, you don’t trust it.

Because you still think you need to suffer before you’re allowed to receive good things.

So, How Do You Forgive Yourself?

Not by just “deciding” to. Not by forcing yourself to “move on.” Not by pretending it never happened.

By facing it, understanding it, and choosing compassion over punishment.

Here’s where you start:

Step 1: Acknowledge That You Did the Best You Could

Yes, even then. Yes, even when you ignored the signs. Yes, even when you made the wrong choice.

Because listen to me:

If you had known better, you would have done better.

But you didn’t.

You were operating from survival, from conditioning, from wounds you didn’t even know were controlling you.

And you do not deserve a life sentence for decisions you made when you didn’t have the tools you have now.

Step 2: Separate Who You Were From Who You Are

You are not her anymore.

You are not the woman who stayed. You are not the woman who tolerated disrespect. You are not the woman who let herself be mistreated.

She got you here. She fought for you. She survived for you.

And now?

Now it’s time for you to love her—not punish her.

Step 3: Stop Apologizing for the Same Thing Over and Over Again

Forgiveness is a decision you make every single day.

So today, right now, you decide:

"I forgive myself for not knowing better at the time." "I forgive myself for making choices from a place of pain." "I release myself from the need to suffer for my past."

And when the guilt creeps back in?

You say it again.

And again.

Until one day, you believe it.

Because you do not have to be perfect to be worthy of peace.

Are You Ready to Let Go?

Drop a comment and tell me: What’s one thing you’re ready to forgive yourself for?

And if you’re ready to stop carrying the past like a weight around your neck, join the Survival Mode Exodus Membership.

Because you deserve freedom, too.

And I won’t let you forget that.