How to Stop Over-Giving & Start Prioritizing Yourself (Without Guilt)

Leticia Francis Author

Tired of over-giving, over-functioning, and being the strong one for everyone but yourself? This issue helps you choose YOU—without the guilt.

I used to believe that my ability to give endlessly was my greatest strength.

That my worth was measured by how much I could pour into others. That love was something I had to earn by being useful, being available, being selfless.

I prided myself on being “the strong one.” The reliable one. The one who would drop everything at a moment’s notice to be there for someone else.

I took care of everyone. But no one was taking care of me.

And I didn’t know how to stop.

Because what happens when the giver stops giving? What happens when the person who holds everything together finally says, Enough?

I was terrified to find out.

Because my entire identity had been built around over-giving.

And maybe yours has, too.

The Trap of Over-Giving (And Why We Fall Into It)

Let me say something that might sting a little:

Over-giving isn’t generosity.

It’s a survival mechanism.

It’s what happens when you’ve been taught—whether through trauma, conditioning, or experience—that your value is tied to what you can do for others.

It’s what happens when you’ve learned that love is transactional.

• If you make people happy, they won’t leave.
• If you take care of everyone, they’ll need you.
• If you never say no, you won’t disappoint anyone.

Over-giving is not about kindness.

It’s about safety.

Because deep down, you’re afraid that if you stop, people will stop loving you.

And I need you to hear me when I say this:

That is a lie.

A lie that has kept you exhausted. A lie that has kept you resentful. A lie that has kept you stuck in relationships where you are the giver and everyone else is just... taking.

And it’s time to break free.

Signs You’re an Over-Giver (And It’s Draining the Life Out of You)

Over-giving sneaks up on you.

You think you’re just being a good friend, a good daughter, a good mother, a good partner. You think you’re just doing what needs to be done.

Until one day, you realize you have nothing left for yourself.

If you’re wondering whether over-giving is running your life, ask yourself:

1. Do You Feel Guilty When You Say No?

If just the thought of telling someone no makes your stomach twist, that’s a sign.

Over-givers feel like saying no is a betrayal. That if they don’t step up, no one else will. That if they set boundaries, people will think they’re selfish.

So they say yes.

Even when they’re exhausted. Even when they don’t have time. Even when saying yes means sacrificing themselves.

Because guilt is stronger than their own needs.

And that’s a problem.

2. Do You Put Yourself Last (Every Single Time)?

You know how airlines tell you to put on your oxygen mask before helping someone else?

Yeah. Over-givers would die of oxygen deprivation trying to make sure everyone else was okay first.

You put off doctor’s appointments because work needs you. You cancel your plans because a friend is having a meltdown. You push through burnout because rest feels selfish.

And in the process, you lose yourself.

Because over-giving convinces you that everyone else’s needs are more important than your own.

3. Do You Resent the People You’re Giving To?

This one hurts.

Because over-givers don’t want to feel resentful.

But how can you not?

How can you keep pouring into people who never pour back into you—without feeling drained?

• You’re always there for your friends, but where are they when you need them?
• You show up for family, but when’s the last time they checked on you?
• You give everything to your partner, but do they even notice how tired you are?

Resentment is your soul’s way of screaming, I am running on empty, and no one is filling me back up.

And that?

That’s not love. That’s self-abandonment.

4. Are You Over-Giving to Avoid Your Own Pain?

Here’s a hard truth:

Sometimes, we over-give because it’s easier than facing our own wounds.

It’s easier to fix someone else’s problems than deal with our own. It’s easier to focus on their happiness than admit we aren’t happy. It’s easier to over-function in a relationship than confront the fact that we’re in one that doesn’t actually meet our needs.

Over-giving becomes a distraction.

Because if you’re constantly putting out fires for other people, you never have to sit still long enough to realize that you’re the one who’s burning.

And that’s the real problem.

How to Start Prioritizing Yourself (Without the Guilt That Comes With It)

Breaking free from over-giving isn’t about becoming selfish.

It’s about realizing that you deserve as much love, care, and effort as you give to everyone else.

Here’s how you start:

1. Rewire the Belief That Your Worth Is Based on What You Do for Others

You are not here to be useful. You are not a machine. You do not have to earn love through exhaustion.

Say it again: You do not have to earn love through exhaustion.

If your relationships require you to self-abandon to keep them, they are not healthy relationships.

2. Get Comfortable With Disappointing People

Yes, I said it.

You are going to disappoint people. People will be upset when you stop over-giving. People who benefited from your lack of boundaries will not like the new you.

That’s okay.

Your job is not to be everything for everyone. Your job is to be whole within yourself.

3. Start Small (And Work Your Way Up to the Big Stuff)

I’m not saying quit your job, cut off your family, and move to Bali tomorrow.

Start small.

• Let one call go to voicemail.
• Say “I need to think about it” before automatically saying yes.
• Set a timer for rest—yes, literally schedule rest into your day.

Small steps.

And then bigger ones.

Until one day, prioritizing yourself isn’t just something you do.

It’s who you are

What Happens When You Finally Put Yourself First?

I won’t lie—at first, it feels unnatural.

You’ll feel guilty. You’ll question yourself. You’ll wonder if you’re doing something wrong.

But then?

Then you realize that you were never meant to live a life where you are always last.

That the people who truly love you want you to be happy, not just useful. That you deserve rest, peace, and joy—without earning it through sacrifice.

And for the first time?

You will feel free.

So, What’s Next?

I want you to ask yourself:

What’s one thing you’ve been giving away that you need to reclaim for yourself?

Drop it in the comments.

And if you’re ready to go deeper—if you’re ready to unlearn over-giving and build a life where you matter just as much as everyone else, check out the Survival Mode Exodus Membership.